There is an old saying – “When the student is ready, the master will appear.” I’m talking about spiritual enlightenment, OK?
Well, I want to know something. Does this only apply to kids? Or to people from wealthy families? Did I totally miss the boat somehow, somewhere? Did the master I seek just keep walking because I wasn’t ready when he was watching me?
I’m totally serious, people. I’m hungry, deep inside. There’s an emptiness in me that just screams to be filled. I’ve been actively searching for 20+ years to find – what? I know that what I seek exists, I’ve seen people who have achieved it. History is repleat with biographies of past masters who’ve done what I can’t.
I’ve studied, oh HOW I’VE STUDIED, anything I could lay my grubby paws on – if it held even a glimmer of hope. I’ve learned a lot. But, at some point, every student walking this path needs a mentor. Someone who can, and does, take them under their wing and guides them the rest of the way. Someone who can point out what was wrong in what has been learned before, and why. Someone who knows what works, because THEY HAVE DONE IT!
I yearn for that spiritual freedom. That sense of peace. That balance. It drives me harder than my desire for a meal when I am hungry. But, for 20+ years, it’s always been beyond my reach. I can see it, sometimes even feel it, but I never REACH it. Or at least that is how it feels. Every minute of every day.
When I read books like “Way of the Peaceful Warrior” by Dan Millman (which I have in my own library), it makes me cry. Dan found his mentor when he wasn’t even looking. He knew nothing about enlightenment, and didn’t care about it. Me? I’ve been looking for my “Socrates” – and doing what I could without him/her – for soooo very long. At times I get angry, other times I get frustrated, and often I just feel tired.
Do you ever feel that you will never achieve the thing that is most important to you? I do. Often. It hurts, in that same place deep inside that hungers for me to do this. I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel, sometimes, like just pitching all my books and quiting.