Sorry, but 3 days of rain combined with 2 days of migraine have left me feeling like a wet sock. I can’t focus on anything serious, so here’s the text of an email my wife sent to me a few days back:
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A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said,”How
should I know, that’s 200 miles from here!” and hung up.
The husband said, “Who was that?”
The wife said, “I don’t know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear.”
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Second Degree
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, “Hmm, this person looks familiar.”
The second blonde says, “Here, let me see!”
So the first blonde hands her the compact.
The second one looks in the mirror and says, “You dummy, it’s me!”
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Third Degree
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun.
She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, “No, honey, don’t do it!!!”
The blonde replies, “Shut up, you’re next!”
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Fourth Degree
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, “Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them.”
A friend says, “OK, what’s the capital of Wisconsin ?”
The blonde replies, “Oh, that’s easy: W.”
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Fifth Degree
What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
“Is it mine?”
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Sixth Degree
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her US government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs.Wade was about. Bambi pondered the question then finally said, “That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware.”
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Seventh Degree
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps..
Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, “I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do?
They send me a BLIND policeman.”
Vernon Pope 