I was badly attacked by a woman in an elevator. I was in the
elevator when she got in.
I was casually staring at her big, jiggly boobs when she said,
“Would you please press ‘1’?”
So I did… and I don’t remember much afterwards, but I guess I
pressed the wrong one!
Someone asked me, “Now that you re retired, do you still have
I replied, “Yes I am my wife’s sexual adviser.”
Somewhat shocked, they said, “I beg your pardon, but what do you
mean by that?”
“Very simple. The wife has told me that when she wants my fucking
advice, she’ll ask me for it.”
A wife gets naked and asks her hubby, “What turns you on more:
my pretty face or my sexy body?”
Hubby looks her up and down and replies, “Your sense of humor.”
“IT’S A BOY,” I shouted. “A BOY! I DON’T BELIEVE IT, IT’S A
BOY!” And with tears streaming down my face I swore I’d never
visit another Thai brothel.
“In a recent interview, Hillary Clinton said that one of the jobs
that prepared her to be president was sliming fish in Alaska. As
opposed to Bill, who learned by catching crabs in Cancun.” -Jimmy
An elderly married couple was at home watching TV. The husband
had the remote, and he kept switching back and forth between the
fishing channel and the porn channel.
The wife became more and more annoyed and finally cried, “For
God’s sake! Just leave it on the porn channel! You already know
how to fish!”