On Wednesday I posted about how, through a combination of a corporate rule change and a zealous clerk, Enterprise Rent-a-car managed to keep my wife and I from attending the “life celebration” of my wife’s cousin.  What I didn’t tell you at the time was that the very next day was my 18th wedding anniversary with my wife.  Because of the extreme pain that I was in from the walk home, I was able to do nothing with my wife to celebrate the day – except aggravate one of my greatest ongoing concerns.

Let me back up the story.  Back when I was 16 years old, my parents split up, and as the oldest child of the family (someone at constant odds with both parents) I took their split very hard.  In fact, at the time,  I took it as my own personal responsibility even though there was nothing I could do to undo it.  Choosing  to move in with my father, and the woman who eventually became my step-mother,  I found that I had a ready access to alcohol.  Of course, I also knew that they monitored the liquor supply in the house – what responsible parent wouldn’t?  But with an IQ of 149, I’m nothing if not an efficient problem solver.  So, at 16 I started drinking hard liquor.  Gin, whiskey, tequila, even Everclear. I just consumed it in small quantities so the adjustments werren’t quickly noticed.

Eventually, I was caught.  No plan devised by a 16 y/o is fool-proof.  But, by then I had built up enough of a tolerance to liquor that I could consume quite a lot without losing all control.  My dad was concerned that I was an alcoholic, and on an intellectual level I had to grant that while I still felt I had control, it could be possible that the alcohol was deceiving me.  So, I quit, cold-turkey to assert my dominance over the possibility of dependence.

But, at the age of 17.5, I graduated from high school and reported to active duty in the US Army – where the accepted and normal way to spend off-duty time was in the copious consumption of alcohol.  Once again, the ugly specter of alcoholism reared it’s ugly head.  Mind you – I have never joined any sort of support group, nor have I every cried uncle when challenged by this foe, but my real point here is that this has been a demon I’ve kept a watchful eye on ever since.

I never quit drinking.  I also never allowed  alcohol to wrest control from me.  But at times, it has felt like a high-wire act to keep a balance between the ability to consume versus the effects of the consumption.  Never has that been more obvious to me than yesterday – when I wanted to be sober enough to enjoy our anniversary with my wife, but literally needed all of the pain relief I could get.  All because of what happened in my interaction with Enterprise Rent-a-car the day before.

We (my wife and I) ended up spending the day watching a marathon of season 1 of the Supergirl CW TV series, with her adding a shot of whiskey to every cup of my coffee.  But it upsets me that I was, once again, put in a position of feeling like I had to be mindful of that .