I’ve written before about the struggle I’ve had with trying to convince my father to stop playing relay man for messages from my mother. For some reason that escapes me, he’s never been willing to see my side of the issue. Without fail, every time she’s asked him to forward a message, he’s willingly accepted the assignment, and dutifully attempted a delivery.
While I was sleeping on December 25th, 2019, my father called and told my wife that he had a card from my mother he wanted to bring over. She told me about it when I woke up. On the 26th, he called again to say that he was ready to make the trip over. I answered the phone, and told him to save his gas. I knew why he wanted to come over, and still wanted nothing to do with it.
As if he thought I was a total fool, he suggested that he could still come over to visit if I just wanted to spend time with him. That cut me like a knife through the heart, because I would have loved to have the chance to chat with him under friendly circumstances. However, by his own actions he’d already made this a hostile encounter. He told my wife that he had the card from my mother, and now there was no way I could trust him to come over for a visit and NOT bring that card with him. He’s backed my mother on every attempt she’s ever made to reconnect.
So, I made a very, very difficult decision. I told my father to save his gas, and that he’s burned the last bridge he had to me. I told him that I’ll miss him, and that I’m sorry it came to this, but he is no longer welcome: in my home, or my life. He couldn’t stop pushing me to reconcile with mom, and the result was he pushed himself out of my life.
We just have oppositional views on life. My view is that if you have a right to associate with whomever you choose, you also have a right to choose who NOT to associate with. My dad believes that, in some sick way, biology binds you and forces you into relationships that you are not allowed to ever deny. It is a terrible outcome, but we can’t continue to function as relatives.