Tough Phone Call . . .

I’ve been considering this for over a year. I weighed the idea of respecting whatever needs my family may have against what may be best for them. All of them. I felt that I was on a marry-go-round with no viable resolution. I had to make a decision.

So, this morning, I called my dad. Apparently I woke him up, which I apologized for. Then, I spelled out the situation – as I saw it.

I know full well that my dad has a Last Will and Testament. I even know what some of the considerations of that document are – and have no objection to them. But, I also know that in most cases, if an executor is not specifically named by the Last Will and Testament, the job will default to the oldest living descendant, which in my dad’s case will be me.

Here’s the problem. I’m the literal BLACK SHEEP of my birth family. I’m never called for family holiday gatherings; I’m never asked for life advice; I would never be asked for life advice even if I was the oldest family member left alive.

So, today I made a phone call that may well have been the most difficult call of my life. I told my dad that I knew he had a Will, but didn’t know who the designated Executor of his estate was. Then, before he could tell me who it was, I said that I hoped it isn’t me. Why? Because I honestly believe that if he appoints me to be his Executor, there are no members of our family who would respect that decision and let me do the job without conflict. Not even if I followed every part of his Will to the absolute letter.

I asked my dad to appoint someone else, and told him that he needed to call his lawyer and make the appointment official. I will fully support anyone he appoints, as long as it isn’t ME.

There was a long, very painful pause (at least from my perspective). Then dad said, in a very small voice, that he believed that I was right. He told me he was considering a dual-executor arrangement, and who one of the people was. I repeated that I would fully support anyone he appointed, but that he needed to call the lawyer and actually declare his wishes. I am hopeful that he’s still among us another 25 years, but at this stage of life it is best to be prepared. Especially with his health history, and our family situation.


5 thoughts on “Tough Phone Call . . .

  1. Anita Warren says:

    Thank you for sharing that Vernon. It was inspiring to me and maybe to some others who read your posts. It inspired me because we all have those tough phone calls we have to make once in a while and we tend to put it off and dread it. It’s very difficult but it’s part of life. You did it! God bless you and Barbara ❤️🙏 Sent from my iPhone Anita Warren


    • I honestly can’t convey over the internet how tough that was. I still am reduced to tears every time I read my original post of this blog. Whoever was first to have said “Life is not fair” was a master of understatement.

  2. I’m so sorry about all of this. Families can be so difficult. Right now I’m the black sheep of mine. It’s not fun. [Hugs]

    • No, it isn’t. But, I knew a long time ago that the choices I was making would probably lead to that result. I’m not upset, which is also why I am open to supporting someone else.

      Being a Black Sheep isn’t easy, or fun. But if you are a Black Sheep because you are living as your most authentic self, it is commendable. Welcome to the Black Sheep Squadron! lol

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