Today I complete my 59th lap around our sun. I’ve stopped trying to keep track of how many days, or hours, it takes to build that total. Let’s just admit that, with one more lap I’ll have completed 6 decades, and leave it there. Last night my wife asked me how I wanted to spend my birthday.

Because I was feeling bloated, gassy, and possibly constipated, I could only answer her question with a reply that would indicate relief from those symptoms.

If I could try again, I would suggest getting a Porterhouse Steak, with a baked potato and a Mediteranian style salad. Other options would be a Meat-Lover’s Pizza with extra garlic sauce from Pizza Hut, or getting our gutters and downspouts cleaned out. I have a slight suspicion which my wife would choose, but I’m alright with any of the stated options.