jokes

Saturday Posts . . .

Today, just for a bit of fun, I want to share something absolutely funny and wonderful with everyone.

But – you’ll have to do just a little bit of work for it.

Open up your web browser’s search engine, and look for “O’Reilly Auto Parts”. When you get the results, go to the website, and you’ll see (probably in the top left corner) another search tool for their website. Put this into the search tool – 121G – and hit the “enter” key.

Enjoy!

(Major kudos to my wonderful wife for sharing that with me)

Shutting down . . .

Well, having accomplished what I set out to do with this blog, I think it is time to shut it down.

The reason I’m doing this now it simple:  I had 90 days to renew my domain registration when they informed me that WordPress has decided to force a 2-stage authentication process that requires a form of verification that I literally can’t provide – a cell phone number.  Since I do not have a cell phone, and wouldn’t tie it to my blog even if I did, it is time to quit WordPress.  Besides, I’ve done what I set out to do with  this blog, by laying personal claim to ideas that were hugely influential in the outcome of the 2016 election for the USA.  Everything else was gravy.

So, I’m transferring all of my files and blog posts to my original blog at:  http://mr-spock.livejournal.com/ and asking that if you want to continue to follow my journey of self discovery, you’ll bookmark that page or subscribe to it.  I’ve been blogging on that page since 2004.

Thank you, one and all, for making this page feel like a resounding success.

Ask Your Doctor (joke) . . .

Do you have feelings of inadequacy?

Do you suffer from shyness?

Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Tequila®.

Tequila® is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions.Tequila® can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you’re ready and willing to do just about anything. You will notice the benefits of Tequila® almost immediately, and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live. Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past, and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living, with Tequila®.

Tequila® may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Tequila®. However, women who wouldn’t mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it. Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, erotic lustfulness, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and/or Naked Twister.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may be a major factor in getting your ass kicked

________________________________________

My wife found the above at this site:

http://forum.woodenboat.com/showthread.php?56581-ask-your-doctor-or-pharmacist-about-Tequila%AE

Saturday Posts . . .

I decided to keep things light today, in an effort to take some of the pressure off of all the political grousing and back-stabbing and finger pointing that is going on.  So, instead of one of my usual Saturday meditations, here is a link to someone else’s work on the humor of grammar . . .

31 Jokes Every Grammar Nerd Will Understand  

 

I had it coming . . .

Last night my wife and I were watching a disc we got from Netflix.  I was sitting in my recliner, with a cat sound asleep on my lap, when she got up to go to the kitchen.  Seeing her heading that direction, I held up my empty coffee cup and asked if she’d mind getting me a refill – so I wouldn’t have to wake the cat.

She wanted to know what she should put in it, and I responded with “something hot, brown, and wet.”

Then SHE asked me if I meant Zoe Saldana or Halle Berry.

I really should have just said “coffee”.  Besides, even if they were willing, neither one of them would fit in my coffee cup.

Some humor in a difficult day…

A few days ago I had my first visit with the Fayetteville, AR, VAMC Orthopedics Clinic about the possibility of getting my femur replaced.  Quite naturally, though possibly beneficially for me, the appointment came on the last of 14 consecutive days that each had storm activity in this area.  Oh, and I had a migraine.  I tried to get well-rested the day before, but it resulted in my being awake at 9pm (2100 hours) the night before, with an appointment at 10am – we didn’t leave Fayetteville until nearly 1330 (1:30pm) with a 3 hour drive still ahead to get home.  So, yes, it was a challenging day.

Still, there was humor to be found.  While we were leaving the X-ray clinic (the x-rays Mt. Vernon took didn’t include the whole femur, and the surgical site of the bone tumor wasn’t visible) a man walked up to me, stuck his hand out to shake, and said, “I do believe I flew cover for you guys back in the gulf.”  I got a confused look and said, “It couldn’t have been me – the only duty station I saw was in Germany.”

He pointed at the t-shirt I was wearing, and suddenly we both laughed.  In bright, yellow lettering it read – “USS ENTERPRISE” – he’d thought I served on the US Navy Air Craft Carrier – but under the letters was the far more recognizable silhouette of the STAR TREK Enterprise – NCC – 1701.

Note to self: do not wear Star Trek t-shirts to the VA hospital anymore.  Well, perhaps the ones with Mr. Spock’s photo . . .  (grin).

Anyhow, there is no update on whether or not I will be getting a new femur.  It might perhaps be an indication, though, that the doctor suggested a cane with a fore-arm brace, to be used on the strong side to take pressure off of the weak leg.  I almost feel like I might be reading to much into it, though.  Oh, well.  Time will tell.