Saturday Posts . . .

Just a few hours ago, I was binge watching the tubi show I’ve posted about before, when I heard a loud sound that made me think of a car accident. I grabbed my cane and phone, and headed for the porch in time to see a vehicle’s tail lights heading south from an impact with the “stoplight signal ahead” sign just south of our house. I called the police to report it, and for the next 20 minutes there was a lot of activity outside. I gave a statement to the police, along with several other people who are neighbors and gave similar reports, but I also helped the 1st officer on the scene locate evidence that might possibly lead to identifying the vehicle. It was a very rewarding experience, to me.

Honestly, I may have missed my calling. I have the awareness and attention to detail to be a Crime Scene Investigator (CSI).

Opens the door . . .

I recently posted about a book that my dear friend and spiritual sister Anita suggested I read. Last night my wife asked me to help write the review the seller asked us to write from the website where we bought the book. The last line of the book review was, “Opens the door to the greatest challenge of your life.”

Well, that may not be true for everyone, but it is certainly true for me. I completely believe that the Toltec wisdom was on to something profound, but for me it presents a major challenge.

Until I was about 11 years old, I do not remember having any internal voice in my head. The book I’m reading (now for the 2nd time) calls that voice by a few different names, including “The Voice of Knowledge” and “The Prince of Lies”. Both are accurate – but as I was saying, I never heard that voice until I was about 11 years old. That was about the time I learned that I could use memory to replay music in my head without hearing it on a stereo or radio.

That was, for me, 48 years ago. Since then, that voice has progressed from being a jukebox to being an ever present companion. It is so constant that I never feel I’ve slept anymore. That voice presents dreams, illusions, fantasies, and evaluations of current events in my head during the hours I am trying to sleep. It never stops, and I never arise from trying to sleep feeling well rested. Plus, now that I’ve read this book, I have to ask myself one question – “How do I know the difference between truth and lies?”

Some things, with the help of the book, are almost easy. If a decision is based on fear or hate, it is based in a lie. However, there are other things that I consider that are harder to quantify. For example, I’ve seen X-ray and other evidence to support that my body’s bone tumor caused permanent damage. Is that true only because I believed the “medical professionals” who said it did that? What about the arthritis? The migraine headaches? Lies in our “Voice of Knowledge” can be inherited from others – so where do I draw the line? How do I go about proving what is real from what isn’t?

I’m starting to regret telling my wife to end the book review with the line, “Opens the door to the greatest challenge of your life.” It’s beginning to feel like a vast understatement.

Universal Truth . . .

Ever since my parents divorced, in a very acrimonious action, when I was 16 years old, I’ve been searching for something beyond what they tried to teach me. Over the years, I’ve come to call it the “Universal Truth” – a point where all religion and philosophy agreed.

This Universal Truth has eluded me. It always felt that I was just on the verge of discovering it, but somehow was just out of reach. I’ve studied Sigmund Freud, Emanuel Khant, every major religion extant on the earth, and the teachings of any extinct religion I could find. My studies included Richard Bach, Jed McKenna, Dr. Zhi Ghan Sha, Deepak Chopra, Eckhart Tolle, Michael Talbot, and Dan Millman – just to name a few.

Never did I feel I’d come close to what I sought, until my dear friend and spiritual sister Anita suggested that I read one particular book. That book is titled “The Voice of Knowledge” by don Miguel Ruiz. His book is based on the ancient wisdom of the Toltecs, but unlike any of the other books I’ve read, it is written so simply, so clearly, that a grade-school student with a good vocabulary and the understanding of using a dictionary could comprehend it.

I read half of the book in one evening. While I was doing so, I quickly came to the realization that I would not only recommend it to others (which I’m doing now), but that I will definitely read it many more times. This is spiritual GOLD. If you haven’t read it, and have any interest in personal self-improvement, this book is a MUST.

Dealing with the Veteran’s Administration again . . .

I am currently trying, once again, to deal with the Veteran’s Administration (VA), to get my left femur replaced.  At this point in time, I have been trying for 38 years to get this problem fixed.

In all of that time, the standard response of the VA has been “the problem is not yet severe enough for us to justify the expense or risk of performing the procedure.”  What that means is, because the procedure would probably need to be repeated in 20 years, they are unwilling to do the corrective surgery before I am old enough to only qualify for it one time.

So, because I became disabled so young (aged 18), I have spent 38 years waiting for the chance to resume anything even remotely resembling a normal life – even though it would only require ONE surgery to deliver that option to me.

My new primary care doctor, at the VA Health clinic in Joplin, was willing to order a new MRI to evaluate the situation, and that has been scheduled for later this month.  However, based on the report of the preliminary X-rays before the MRI, I am not expecting them to agree to the procedure at this time.

IMHO, this is a completely upside down evaluation.  The VA is looking at how many times the procedure may need to be done throughout my lifetime – and what I am concerned about is my quality of life for however long I have left.  The last 38 years have been what should have been some of the most productive years of my life – and of them I’ve spent 28 years doing minimum wage labor, and the last 10 years I’ve been unemployable.  All of this despite the undeniable fact that nobody knows for sure when I will die – whether by an accident, illness, or natural causes.  Let’s not forget, it all started with a bone tumor, and that caused a permanent impairment to my immune system.

If the VA tells me later this month that they are still not willing to replace my femur, my wife is considering adding me to her medical insurance, just to attempt to get the surgery done.  I think that is still a long shot, but we’ll look at it.  If it isn’t viable, I’m considering whether it is time to consider a new body.  Continuing the downward spiral is certainly not going to be viable for very long, and since I do believe in a form of reincarnation, it is worth thinking about.